Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
