Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She bit a glass in half.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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