He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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