did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
