I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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