Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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