I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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