Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
