Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
