Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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