happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
