chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
