Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
