1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Randomize
