Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
