The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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