soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
