dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
