Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
