You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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