i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
