We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
