I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
