the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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