Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
