Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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