every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are the jesus of drinking
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
