Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
