dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
