I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
