How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
