going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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