just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
