obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
