He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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