Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
