what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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