Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
