Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
