all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
