There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
