I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
