My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
