OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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