she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
