I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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