If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
