I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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