Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
