You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
