..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
