I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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