rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize