My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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