i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
