a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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