He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
