I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
