Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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