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I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
