one might say we're banned from that church
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
