goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize