We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
