My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
