It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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