hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
