so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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