Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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