shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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