Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
