My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
