You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
